Model Behaviour

Article By: Paula Gardner

Have you ever marvelled at how your friend manages to effortlessly fit three gym sessions and one swim into the week, or wondered how your boss finds it so easy to just push the plate away when he's had enough? The good news is that there is a way for you to learn from they what do and bring their good habits into your own life.

It's called modelling and is one of the techniques used in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP was initially created in 1975 by two men, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who discovered that you can 'model' human behaviour, and then, using the same model, create the same results in someone else. So, rather than just sighing and admiring someone else's willpower or stamina why not try modelling your habits on theirs - and see what you can learn from them? It's also a lovely way to strengthen friendships and show your friends how much you admire them!

Step One
Choose someone you admire, says NLP practitioner Christina Car of Chris Trainers. It could be a friend, colleague or relative who has built exercise into their life (and thoroughly enjoys it!) or just has a great relationship with food.

The best people to choose are those whose lives are not too different from yours. If you chose someone famous, or someone you don't necessary know well, that's OK - but remember that it's harder to really understand how and why they do what they do if you can't ask them directly. And, let's face it, having your own personal chef and trainer as many celebrities do will make anything easier!

Step Two
Spend some time watching them do what you admire. Find out as much about their habits as you can (without becoming a stalker!). If your colleague manages to get to a class before work and this is what you want to do, ask them how they manage it. Explain that you are genuinely interested and want to know if the answer will help you.

Often you may have to probe to find out the real motivating force. When you first ask they may just shrug and say: 'I don't know, I just manage it' - but as you dig deeper you may find that actually the key is that they buy a course of classes and feel that they'd be wasting money if they missed one. They also pack their bag and leave it by the door so that it's easy to get going in the morning. All these practical little titbits may help you.

Step Three
Now you have to integrate what you have learned into your own life. If you probed your friend who never – EVER – eats her children's leftovers and found out that she scrapes them straight in the bin almost as soon as they have put down their knife and fork, then you need to practise doing the same. Even if years of conditioning about wasting food means that it's incredibly difficult for you! Just do what they do without thinking too much about it.

Of course, what is right for your friend may not be right for you, but at least give it a good try before you decide that. On the other hand, you may find that you have found an easy way to achieve what you wanted – and thoroughly improved your friendship into the bargain!